Pre-Laboratory Assignment Chemistry Jokes

But we all need to unwind, and sometimes nothing feels better than the rush endorphins from laughing at a good joke. (Laughter comes with some surprising and impressive health benefits too.)

We’ve scoured the internet and called on our readers to help us round up some of the best, worst, and cheesiest science jokes and puns around.

Here are some of our favorites — plus an explanation in case you don’t get the joke. (Warning: It’s possible only scientists will find these amusing.)

Kelly Dickerson previously rounded up a bunch of these jokes, and we’re re-posting them here.

I was going to become a polymer scientist, but didn’t because I thought the work would be too repetitive.

Shutterstock

Explanation: The word “polymer” describes any material with more two types of repeating chemical units, usually in the form of a long chain. Examples include materials such as DNA (your genetic code), nylon, polyethylene terephthalate (or PETE, used in plastic bottles), pectin (in fruit), wool, cellulose (in wood), and silk.

Source: Brett Glass/@brettglass

 

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.

flickr/Anthony Quintano

Explanation: The atomic symbol for oxygen and potassium are “O” and “K,” respectively. They get together they spell OK.

Source: Inorganic Ventures

 

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Marvel

Explanation: In chemistry, an alloy is a mixture of metals. Silver and Iron are both metals, so if these guys teamed up they wouldn’t just be allies, they would be alloys too.

Source: Inorganic Ventures

 

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Flickr / Paul Thompson

Explanation: The glass is always completely full of something, be it a solid, liquid, or gas — unless the entire thing is in a vacuum and all the atoms are removed.

Source: Inorganic Ventures

 

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

REUTERS

Explanation: This is a play on the phrase “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”

But in chemistry a solution is a completely dissolved mixture of two or more compounds, and a precipitate is a a solid that sometimes forms from a chemical reaction in a liquid solution. The solid precipitate falls out of solution, and collects in the bottom of the vial.

So a precipitate is definitely not part of the solution.

Source: Jokes4Us.com

 

 

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? A: “You May have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”

Shutterstock

Explanation: A common laboratory measuring device is a graduated cylinder, which successively marks off an increasing volume. Thermometers, meanwhile, denote temperature in degrees.

Source: Michele Banks/@artlogica

 

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Facebook Developers/YouTube

Explanation: OK, this is more of a physics joke. A photon is a packet of light and has zero mass. Not only is it literally traveling light (the illuminating kind), it’s also traveling light (as in not heavy).

Source: Chemistry World Blog

 

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Business Insider

Explanation: An alkyne is a common type of carbon compound with one carbon-to-carbon triple bond. They are frequently used and studied in organic chemistry. It’s pronounced like “al kine.” So, alkynes of trouble sounds like all kinds of trouble.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

 

Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!

Nishimasu et al, 2014

Explanation: A stop codon is a nucleotide in messenger RNA that signals the stop of a translation — the process that cells use to make proteins.

Source: Letters From Bat Country

 

Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? A: An itsy bitsy book.

Image courtesy of Amunts, Zilles, Evans et al

Explanation: Tome means book, so a micro-tome would be a small book, but to a biologist, a microtome is an instrument used to cut tissue into thin slices.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? A: Woopea!

Flickr / e.c.johnson

Explanation: Gregor Mendel’s genetics experiments were done with pea plants.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? A: He’s 0K now.

John Lewis

Explanation: “0K” here actually stands for zero Kelvin. Kelvin is a temperature scale in which zero is the coldest possible temperature, referred to as absolute zero, where molecules cease to move. A person wouldn’t actually be OK if cooled to absolute zero.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.

Ho New/Reuters

Explanation: In RNA, adenine (A) forms a “base pair” with uracil (U).

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na

LoggaWiggler/Pixabay

Explanation: The symbol for sodium on the periodic table is “Na,” which when said as a word is pronounced like nah, another way to say no.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.

The 5 Gyres Institute

Explanation: Polyethylene is the most common type of plastic.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.

Wikimedia Commons

Explanation: H20 is the molecular formula for water. But H2O2 is the molecular formula for hydrogen peroxide, which will kill you if you drink it.

Source: Inorganic Ventures

 

A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.

“Twins”

Explanation: Scientists must always use a control group or condition — which they don’t experiment on and just leave “as-is” — when conducting an experiment.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything!

Christine Daniloff/MIT and Jose-Luis Olivares/MIT

Explanation: Atoms are the smallest pieces of matter, they make up all of the elements and molecules and proteins and everything else on Earth.

They also literally make up everything we see, but in the joke they are suggesting that the atoms lie so don’t trust them.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: What element is a girl’s future best friend? A: Carbon.

REUTERS/Olivia Harris

Explanation: “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend” is a well-known saying. Diamonds are created from carbon under extreme pressurize and over time, so carbon will eventually become “a girl’s best friend” — hence her “future best friend.”

Source: Inorganic Ventures

 

Q: How often do you like to hear jokes about elements. A: Periodically.

Explanation: The fundamental chemicals of the universe, called the elements, are arranged in a table that helps group and predict their periodic behaviors and properties.

Source: Michele Banks/@artlogica

 

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Flickr/Desintys Agent

Explanation: Argon is an element on the periodic table. When you say it out loud it sounds like you are saying “are gone.”

Source: Chemistry World Blog

 

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

University of Pennsylvania via Microbe World / Flickr

Explanation: In biology, cells multiply in number when one cell divides into two.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Sony / MGM screencap

Explanation: We all know James Bond’s famous drink order: Shaken, not stirred. But an ionic bond is formed between two atoms when electrons are taken from one atom by the other, unlike a covalent bond where the atoms share their electrons. And, taken rhymes with shaken.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

“Me vs. the guy my electron tells me not to worry about.”

Michele Banks/Twitter

Explanation: This is a riff on how easily a person can fall for another person they’re attracted to — a classic battle of the brain vs. the heart.

On the left is francium (Fr), which has a single valence (or outer) electron. On the right is fluorine (F), which is has seven of eight maximum valence electrons. Fluorine is very reactive for this reason— it’s looking to bond with any spare electron it can — and atoms with single outer electrons are most likely to be “stolen,” especially an atom like francium.

Francium is also very unstable, which gives the joke extra meaning.

Source: Michele Banks/@artlogica

 

Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems? A: They have all the solutions.

Exploratorium

Explanation: In chemistry a solution is the proper name for a mixture where one substance is completely dissolved in another — like sugar or salt in water. Solutions are also the answers to problems.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

 

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.

Wikipedia/Jynto

Explanation: A benzene ring is a hexagon-shaped ring made out of hydrogen and carbon atoms — so it basically resembles a wheel. “Ferrous” is used an adjective to describe something with iron in it, so a wheel of iron is a Ferrous wheel, which sounds similar to Ferris wheel, the carnival ride.

Source: Jupiter Scientific

 

What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? A: I like your “style.”

guillermo_andre/Flickr

Explanation: The stamen and pistil are the male and female parts of a flower. The style is the name of one of the structures of the pistil.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.

iStock

Explanation: In microbiology, a “culture” is a colony of microorganisms grown in a lab.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effect. Apparently he was ambidextrose.

Flickr via iluvcocacola

Explanation: Alpha-L-glucose is a low-calorie sweetener substitute for regular D-glucose. Dextrose is another word for glucose. So instead of being ambidextrous, the fellow is ambidextrose — meaning he can tolerate either kind of sugar.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.

Matt Cardy/Getty Images

Explanation: Proteins denature — lose their shape and structure — when things get hot. Attractive people are frequently referred to as “hot” — in this case, so hot they could denature proteins.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!

Illustration by Lucy Reading-Ikkanda

Explanation: Chromosomes in a cell carry genes — including those that determine an individual’s sex, specifically held on the visually distinct X and Y chromosomes. Two Xs and you are female, one Y and you are male. By isolating and analyzing a cell’s chromosomes, scientists are able to determine the sex of that organism.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang? A: The nucleus

Shutterstock

Explanation: The nucleus is essentially the control center of a cell, which dictates what the rest of the cell does.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: What did the conservative biologist say? A: The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.

Shutterstock / Lukiyanova Natalia / frenta

Explanation: Cleavage is the name of the indentation in a cell’s surface created when it is about to divide. To the rest of the world cleavage is when women wear clothing that shows off the top of their chest, and conservative clothing usually covers the chest.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

Q: Y’all want to hear a Potassium joke? A: K

Thomson Reuters

Explanation: The symbol for Potassium on the periodic table is “K.”

Source: Jokes4Us

 

14. Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

John Goode/Flickr

Explanation: DNA helicase is an enzyme that unzips a strand of DNA down the middle. Your genes are made of DNA strands. Genes sounds a lot like jeans — an item of clothing that is typically undone with a zipper.

Source: Jokes4Us

 

See Also:

SEE ALSO: This is not a joke: Elon Musk once rocketed a wheel of cheese into space

DON’T MISS: Scientists once nuked beers to see if they’d still be drinkable after an atomic blast

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Every chemist deserves a break. So put down that beaker, take off your safety glasses, and enjoy a few chemistry jokes and riddles. And the next time you need an inorganic standard, be sure to think of Inorganic Ventures.

Chemistry Jokes and Riddles

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?

Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?
It went OK2!

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI

Q: What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?
A: CoFe2

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.

We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes... but we only update them.... periodically!

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium

Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.

Q: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
A: To reduce his carbon footprint.

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety.

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.

Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: "Let's meet at the endpoint."

Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
A: Breaking up is hard to do.

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.

Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.

Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
A: Thorium.

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?                                                                            
A: A ferrous wheel.

Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers

Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na

Heard any good chemistry jokes or riddles?  Email us!
humor@inorganicventures.com

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